I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
