is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
