Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
