Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
