are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
