Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize