He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
