I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
