she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
