Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
