so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I smell like Dick and happiness
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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