She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
