My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
