I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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