Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize