tell your sister to shave her snatch
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize