yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
