I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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