bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
