pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Someone shit on the floor
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
The beers last night were like the tears from god
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
