sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
