you turned your livingroom into a bong?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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