So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
