She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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