I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
