So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
