We tried having a conversation with our noses.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
