A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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