so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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