Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
smell my finger.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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