There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
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