So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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