If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
