There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
