So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
