You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Randomize