508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
