you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
