I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
