SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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