Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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