I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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