we're chasing vodka with high fives
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
