Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
