Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He felt like a one man threesome
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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