fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I have fence marks all over my body
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
