dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
