Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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