walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
