No, drunk sperm still make babies.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
