Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
