i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
