i already hear my dad disowning me
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
