dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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