Screwed.edu
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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