Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
