Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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