Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
