now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I can text with my tongue
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
