i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
