Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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